The Gospel of John identifies the Christian Logos, through which all things are made, as divine (theos) and further identifies Jesus Christ as the incarnate Logos. I once did a past life regression with a woman in New York City. In one life, I was a Beduin man, whose wife and children had been killed by marauding invaders. We were on horses in the desert trying to protect our families. I’m not sure if past life regressions work, but it seemed very real. I was doing the regression, because I was trying to figure out who I was and why I was here.

That was twenty years ago. In truth, I’ve always wanted to know more about life. I’ve always questioned the, “Why are we here?” But it was an odd time in my life, because I wasn’t spiritually grounded. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. So, I think what I was really searching for was, God. See, I was raised Catholic and went to a Catholic university, but right after college I moved to New York City and it didn’t take long for me to feel alienated from the church. The Catholic masses were stodgy and boring, unlike college where they were very cool; very interpersonal. So, I drifted. Then, I moved to Japan, and started observing all of the eastern religions. At the same time, new-age things started cropping up and there was less of an open dialogue about one’s religion, or church. I discovered years later that good friends were Catholics and were going to church, they just never talked about it. I found this odd. Nonetheless, I somehow still held that I was a spiritually grounded person, because I meditated and had good values. Little did I know how far I had strayed from what I needed to truly keep me grounded; God. My work took me all over the world, and I lived in one of the biggest cities: New York. So much about this lifestyle drew me away from my true self and into ideologies that I’m glad I explored, but never should have replaced my faith in God. I just didn’t know that they had.

As I went through 9/11 (I lived at Ground Zero) a divorce, a loss of a pregnancy, and tremendous work challenges all at the same time I naturally began to fall apart. Nothing made sense anymore, and I didn’t feel like I knew where I belonged. I left NYC for a short time to regroup near family in New England, but missed the city. I moved back to the city and pursued a new path in real estate. A very tough business and one that will test your sanity and morality, daily. Of course, that wasn’t my true calling and I knew it, but by now, I was getting the old, “Yeah, your background is great, but…” everytime I went for interviews. I was being boxed out of corporate America, because I had dared to step away for a few years. Part of the brainwashing of our country; where we are rendered useless, like we have an unknown expiration date. A topic I’ll cover in another article. Finally, the stress of NYC life, and being in the spin cycle of real estate deals was too much, and I took another break. I moved to the beach in North Carolina for a summer.

That summer became a year, then that year became another year, and so on. I haven’t lived in NYC since May of 2015. My time away has provided me the insights and answers I so desperately needed all those years after my divorce, and before. I was slowly realizing that my faith in God was what was missing, yet I wasn’t ready to return to church, or follow any organized religion. I was trying to figure out how to get back to God, on my terms without an overlay of things I questioned, and I was questioning my questions. I’m sure you follow. I’ve attended several church services since 2015, and enjoy church, but often have to rely upon the Bible and good people around me, to keep me truly grounded. I’m also grounded by children, nature, and animals. Cities are sparse in those last, two areas.

I started noticing that most people I had known all my years in NYC and traveling around the world, were either atheists, or not believers in God. They were devoted to meditating, or anything new-age (Hay House; The Secret; Buddhism; affirmations), but they were not believers in God. More and more, I noticed that this lack of a belief in God seemed to impede my ability to talk with them or reason with them about what’s right and wrong in our world. Somehow they were unable to see what I was seeing, and visa-versa.

As a newfound conservative in 2016, I was comforted to see candidate Trump, and now President Trump, bring God back into our lives, yet strangely, the more he professed his faith, the more the left hated him. And I thought, “What is going on here?” It took a lot of online reading and research to find answers and find people who explained all of this. It’s no accident we have this divide. It’s no accident that people have lost their way and no longer believe in God. What we are witnessing is a manufactured event. A manufactured time. It’s by design that people are “Ye of so little faith.” It’s by design our world is in a spiritual crisis, and that we truly are in a time of good versus evil. We’ve always been contending with evil, it was just so hidden, we didn’t see it. Once you awaken to the truth, you’ll more easily see evil at play, but thankfully, good always bests evil. Evil wants you to conflate good and evil and not be able to discern the difference. This is how so many have lost their way. God has been taken out of everything for a reason.

This doesn’t mean I get to judge the people in my life who are atheists, or who don’t follow God’s path. It just means I see more clearly now and understand why we don’t see eye-to-eye, and why we are seeing such a degradation of our culture and all that is civil and beautiful. But anyone who is lost isn’t lost forever, they’re just asleep, in my view. I know, because I was there. Thankfully, I’ve come upon people online like, Owen Benjamin, his Bear community, and his http://Unauthotized.TV  guys as [email protected] others who are following a righteous path and speaking powerful truths. They’re homesteading and have gone back to very traditional values: God, marriage, family, nature, beauty. I’m certain I was called to leave New York City so I could find my way back to God. It hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been very difficult. I’ve cried more tears than I’ve ever thought possible, asking why people judged so harshly every time I tried to get a new job, or spoke the truth. I didn’t know that these judgments were all part of the pickle. The mind control, denaturing, God removing pickle the “grabblers” (as Owen calls them) have created. Well, you know what? Awareness is a powerful thing. Once you know you’re in a ditch, you’re already halfway out of the ditch, just by knowing.

One other aspect of my awakening to the divide the evildoers have thrust upon us, is realizing that I can no longer follow the news very closely, or get caught up in the drama, even if it’s for the right cause. We’re not meant to spend our days constantly contending with evil. We are meant to build and create beauty with our hands and our hearts. Yes, we need the Sidney Powell’s of the world, but we also need to build and create. Sidney is fighting the good fight for the honorable, General Flynn, because he’s a good man who was wronged, but in her own way, she is restoring beauty; the beauty of truth and justice. We all have a calling. I just found my calling wasn’t in the debating in online forums, or on Twitter posts. I was meant to help restore beauty in this world. So, my journey continues. I’m still peeling away years of questions and hurt, having been of a harsh world, but I no longer ask, “Why?” Now, I know why. Now, I just keep seeking a deeper relationship with God, and with good people, like you.

God bless and thank you for reading this article. Samantha is my pseudonym. I’m a former corporate, branding executive, natural foods chef, renewed artist, Reiki Master, animal lover, nature lover, and devoted believer in and defender of beauty, and all things beautiful.

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